Clarence Thomas Hospitalized to Take away Spouse’s Hand from Rectum

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WASHINGTON, DC — Supreme Court docket hand puppet Clarence Thomas has been hospitalized to take away his spouse Ginni Thomas’ elbow deep forearm from his anus. Although the Thomas household and medical doctors have declined to elucidate how her hand obtained up there, observers have lengthy speculated that Ginny used this opening to regulate and prop up the spineless Supreme Court docket Justice.

This information comes on the heels of studies that Ginni Thomas repeatedly implored Donald Trump’s chief of employees to assist overturn the 2020 election outcomes, in response to textual content messages obtained by the Washington Put up and CBS Information. Mrs. Thomas is a questionably sane conservative activist who has an extended historical past of embracing weird conspiracy theories together with voter fraud and Q-Anon.

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Though she is supremely unimportant, her husband serves as some of the highly effective individuals within the nation and seems to share lots of her right-wing beliefs.

Medical doctors hope the removing of Ginni’s hand from Justice Thomas might enable him to cease doing extra harm to minority rights than arguably any justice in American historical past.

“Clarence Thomas is the worst factor to occur to black individuals since Ginni Thomas,” stated one minority activist.

“It’s laborious to know precisely what Justice Thomas needs, as a result of after we ask him questions we by no means know if it’s him responding or Ginni transferring her fingers round,” stated one annoyed physician.

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